The Cool Whip List

As some of you may already know, I have what I refer to as “The Cool Whip List”. This is a list of foods that I don’t eat because they fall into the same category as Cool Whip. In my mental categorization anyway.

These categories have nothing to do with the food group they belong to or their taste. It is the simple fact that they give me the creeps. I can not eat them because I think about what is in them. What is in them has nothing to do with animal parts, animal cruelty/treatment, or any thing like that. Because I am all about the hot dogs! Bring on the hot dogs.

“Do you know what is in a hot dog?” you say.

Yes, I do know what is in a hot dog. All the leftover parts. Buttsholes, lips, guts, feet, yummy goodness. At least all of these parts are genuine food. Ok, so not all of a hot dog is genuine food, but I can relate part of it back to an actual food source. I haven’t read the label on hot dogs lately (make a note of that-read hot dog label.). True, hot dogs do have added things that are not good for you-nitrates, phosphates and who knows what else. But I do have the lips and buttholes to cling to.

Unlike the evil monster Cool Whip.

“Acchmm” (initiate Cool Whip Speach now):

What is Cool Whip? Do you really know? It is just a bunch of chemicals that they whizzed together one day in the lab and Viola! It tastes good and we shall call it Cool Whip. And it came to pass.

So I have several other food products that also fall into this category:

Margarine/Oloe- Yuck! Plastic in a tub with salt and artificial flavorings and yellow number 5. (The only time I have eaten margarine in the last 15 years is if someone has put it in something that they cooked and I then consumed. I never eat it of my own accord.)I am a butter girl all the way.

Marshmallows- They are not real anymore. Once upon a time they were made from the Marsh Mallow plant.( I do make the rare exception once in a while when camping and have a very well toasted (black) Marshmallow……Alright, Alright and if it is in rice crispy treats. But only homemade cause I can’t get past the pre-made rice crispy treat. Double Yuck. )

Marshmallow Cream- Shapless fake marshmallow in a jar. (Never.)

Non-Dairy Creamer-This stuff is actually flammable.

Parmesan Cheese- The pre-grated stuff in the shaker that is not real cheese. I love Parmesan the real deal!(Would rather go without than eat the fake stuff. What is the point.)

Velveeta- Needs no introduction (OK here is my weak spot. I still eat Velveeta (cause it is so good in dips and grilled cheese and countless other things that it simply can not be replaced in), I just feel guilty the whole time I am shoveling it in my pie hole.)) I try to stay away from it most of the year and consume only at Holiday affairs and Superbowl… of course.

And last but not least…

Cool Whip-mystery non-dairy whipped topping (I’ll take the whipped cream please.) Whipped cream is so easy to make and tastes so much better and is so much better for you; high fat, cholesterol and all included. And it is real.

I’m sure that there are other food products that have made my list in the past but this is all that I can get off the top if my head at the moment. Beware the Cool Whip.

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2 Comments

  1. Vic said,

    July 16, 2010 at 1:18 PM

    A point well taken, however, I have a two word follow up that trumps the “list”…….lactose intolerance.

  2. Nana Bennett said,

    July 16, 2010 at 1:48 PM

    I have FOUR tubs of Cool Whip in my freeze as you speak. I like it. Am I going to Hell?


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